Im happy and sad at the same time. Happy that i try to have fun with you, but sad that i cant feel the same friendship we had before... ahem. The feeling is weird. F and H are BF&GF, and they are intimate. But even though you and him arent, the feeling of you actually having a ahem, really sends shivers down my spine. You're not at that stage now, but if this goes on, you will be. And when i bring up that subject, and you ask me to forget about it, i dont. I go home, lie in my bed with my thoughts, my sad excuse of sleeping. Really, you cant see it. Cause im good at hiding it. At pastamania? How awesome was I, trying to smile and laugh. I wasn't thinking about that thing at that time, but during periods where things were quiet, i did think about it. During TOD especially. I dont know why, but i felt like a stupid fool helping you craft that question. Making you say it out loud. I shouldn't have done it, cause it just confirms my fear. I dont need to confirm my fear. Cause its already coming. I can feel it.